Being away from home is liberating.
I am the person I want to be here; myself.
There’s sad realization, when I think of the person I am when I am not here.
She is not who I want to be.
She is sedentary.
She is lost.
She is confused.
No clarity whatsoever.
No way to express what needs to get out.
Like dirt clogging the pores of my conscious.
Let your body move the way it wants to move. Employ a circling sensation, like waves of the ocean. Let it carry through your feet, ankles, knees, hips, legs, spine, torso, shoulders, arms, and finally neck and head. Circling, circling, circling. Move the way your body wants to move.
Choreographing a work of my own again for the first time in over a year has been immensely rewarding so far. I haven’t yet told my dancers it’s about me.
Don’t make it pretty. Feel what needs to be felt today. Increase your intensity to a 2.
People living parallel lives, coming together for brief moments of recognition and acknowledgement of the similarity in their paths.
But ultimately, it’s a journey and a path you must take alone.
Feeling alone in a crowded room.
Increase the intensity to a 4.
Like everyone else is moving together, moving ahead, but you are stuck.
Standing in complete stillness as everyone else grows around you.
Doing the thing. Doing the thing. Doing the thing. Doing the thing.
And you are not.
Intensity to a 6.
Seeing my vision come to life is emotionally invigorating.
Elation, seeing the opening moments, the questions posed.
Curiosity, as a movement looks different on their bodies then it did in my mind.
Intensity to a 7.
Admiration, at their intention and talents. At the few who are finding their talents over the course of the process. It’s the feeling of giving someone a gift they’ve been wanting for a long time.
Intensity to an 8.
Overwhelming sadness, like a giant weight in the center of my chest, as I see the trajectory falling into place, and my vision come to life. All that is missing is the feeling. The feeling that makes it real. That makes it me. Mine.
Intensity to a 9.
Do I give that to them, or leave it as the missing piece? Putting yourself into your work is scary, sometimes. Do I let it be open ended, and let my audience decide if the piece meant “this”, or “that”?
Intensity to a 10.
Does giving them a piece of myself serve them, or burden them. Who I choose to burden with my thoughts is a delicate operation. Those I choose to share with are strong. They hear me. They listen. I listen back. They offer themselves right back to me. And I don’t feel empty. I am grateful for those people. The relief they provide. Or empathy.
Intensity decreases to a 9.
Many of us are similar.
Traveling along similar paths.
Living parallel lives.
Coming together for brief moments of recognition and acknowledgement of the similarity in our paths.
But ultimately, it’s a journey and a path we must take alone.
Feel the energy flowing through your body.
Out from your distal ends,
The crown of your head,
The base of your spine.
But also inside you.
In your core.
Radiating out to your end points.
Let it anchor you,
But also move you.
Even though you are still,
You are still in motion.
Let the energy move you.
Let it move you.